Week 6

A quote from your text states: “… we get so involved in the role of counselor that we sometimes forget the client inside us. It can become habit to separate ourselves from our clients with a sense of self-righteousness that we do not have the problems they do.” Do you see this tendency in yourself? How do you stay in contact with your inner client? What does that mean for you?

Oooooo…a devil’s advocate question. (Good choice professor/the decider of blog questions for class.) While I was reading the chapter, I did pause at this statement because we are counselors and helpers do not realize we are similar to our client. We deal with things that may not be as severe as our clients but we still deal with our own issues in our own way. Our clients will come speak to us about a wide range of topics, some may be as severe as contemplating suicide to biting their finger nails to their nail bed because of anxiety. It may seem small to us, but for the client, it is a big deal because they are dealing with it.

As to trying to relate to my clients/patients on their level, I tend to put myself in other’s shoes. They might to going through something I am not aware of. For example, someone might have cut me off on the highway. Are they are jerk? Yes, for cutting me off but what was the reason? Is someone sick in their family that they are racing home to say goodbye to or are they running late to work? This helps make the “jerk” more of a realistic person to me. Does it work? Most of the time but if it still bothers me later, I ask myself “does it matter anymore?” That usually solves the problem for me, I just “let it go” (insert let it go song here.) To help ease my assumptions with clients, I think “what would I do” if I was that person. I try think about their mindset, their drive and the environment they live in. When I read the book The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch, he made a statement that stuck with me. “No one is truly evil, if you stick around long enough, you will see the good.” I truly believe that.

To stay in contact with my inner client, I would have to reflect and ask myself “Hey Jennifer, how are you feeling today?” There are times I forget that I am a person who has valid concerns that demand time to process but I tend to “sweep under the rug” because I have to keep moving. I have to make time to ask myself “how am I doing” and “what do I need for myself?” Off the top of my head, some of those self-care items that cater to me are, sleeping in on the weekend or binging on a tv show after work to turn off my 100 miles a minute mind. There are times I have to put myself in check and notice “hmmm, these pants are getting a little snug.” That means I have to hit the gym and be mindful of what I am eating. Don’t get me wrong, comfort food is awesome for the anxious side of me. My brother said this to me the other day and it stuck. “Jennifer, you are a role model to your students, if you are not taking care of yourself, how can you expect them to follow your lead?” Touché big brother! Touché!

 

What beliefs about yourself do you have that will allow you to find commonalities with your clients so that you do not see it as “us” versus “them”?

To be able to relate to my client, I will need to remind myself that I am no better than the client. The client has come to see me not because I am this “high all mighty person.” I have resources they are unaware of. I have the resources and support they need to get through their struggles. I think if we make the division of “us” vs. “them” we need to ask ourselves “are we in the profession for the right reasons?” If we are able to carry the mentality “I am so much better than the client” or “their problems will never be my own,” the client will feel and see that through our nonverbal behaviors. This will lose the client and the client may be turned off from counselors for good. We need to be mindful of our perceptions and put them “in check.”

To challenge myself, I try to talk to people with a purpose. It is awkward to break the ice but it has to be done. We cannot afford the time to just “dance around” the subject. If the client is willing to share their experience, I make sure I listen intently. I have become better with asking clarifying questions instead of pretending I know what they are talking about. It is difficult for me to do sometimes because I do not want to be rude to the person I am speaking with. Sometimes it is easier to identify the elephant in the room instead of avoiding it. It relieves so much anxiety for the client and yourself!